Sunday’s Question of the Week

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“So, you’re done now, right?”

Lani: How many times have you heard that question? Quite a few, I’d wager. It seems many non-multiples families are quick to assume that those of us who have them have no desire for more children after having twins, triplets or more. Maybe it’s the perceived stress/workload or financial responsibility, but either way, it’s just not always true. While my, ahem, economic status is not conducive to expanding our family, I would love to have another child. My kids are just so amazing that they actually make me want more! It will most likely not happen, but it’s fun to think about.

Amanda: I come from a large family (I’m the youngest of 6 kids) so I never thought I would stop at two. I also never thought those two would come at the same time. However, my husband and I have decided we are not done having kids. We know that our chances of having twins are increased, but that doesn’t scare us in the least. At this point we’re thinking the more the merrier!

How about all of you? Did you have another child after your multiples, or do you intend to? Since having (fraternal) multiples increases your odds of having another set, how does that factor into your decision?

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29 comments

  1. The twins are the tail end of our family, but it is not because they were twins. We were planning to have 4 children. When 4 became 5 with the twins, we were excited to have a “bonus”, but we are finished now. I absolutely love our family and if our twins had been born first, we would have continued to add to it! It might have not happened as quickly though!

  2. First shoot out of the gate we got ourselves three… yes we are planning on having more… our girls are just over 3 months old so we will be waiting a few years before we actually revisit the opportunity. My wife wants to know what its like to have one instead of three.

  3. We had a single girl then a single boy. We decided to try for one more in the hopes of having another girl. We ended up with fraternal twin boys. We are done! We love our four kids but do not want anymore. My sister has one son and when she found out that our twins were fraternal, she decided to quit too! She is afraid to have twins as well!

  4. I am SO tired of the “So you’re done right” and the “Got it all done in one shot eh” comments! We have BGG triplets and I suppose if we had them one at a time we may be done now. I was already telling DH that I wanted another one while these guys were still in the NICU. I felt cheated out of a lot, and I would like to experience pregnancy again. I want to, hopefully, make it passed 31 weeks…the last 6 of which were in the hospital. I am not scared of having multiples again and secretly hope for twins next time 🙂

  5. We would love to have more children! We were on Clomid the first time (twins!) and plan on starting meds again this summer if necessary. The comment, “So, you’re done now, right?” is always such a kick in the gut for us considering the road we went down to get our babies.
    Trina
    http://www.totsites.com/tot/andersontwins

  6. Yes, we are asked a lot too! I hate that people assume that we are done. I would love to have one more child (despite my chances of having twins again is 30% or so). We are not ready right now but in a year or so – we will be discussing it.

  7. Keith and Jamie

    Well, it is funny you should ask…In “our” plan, there would not have been kids. God, however, had “His” plan; we became pregnant (oops) and found out they were twins very early. We lost them 8-9 weeks in; this was HORRIBLE! We loved them from the moment we found out, so to lose them was not easy. We decided once cleared from the Dr, we would just not prevent and see what happened. Well, we got two again! God is AWESOME! So, we are not done, but definitely going to wait a couple of years before having the “more” conversation (when you spontaneously have twins…twice, you tend to be careful the third time)! I am so glad that God’s “plan” over ruled ours…His is so much better!

  8. i don’t mind the curiosity behind the question itself, but the assumption that there is no possible way we would consider having more does bother me, i admit. we are on the fence right now. financially we cannot add another little one to the mix right now, but i think we would both love to eventually.

  9. Sean Patrick and Emma Jane

    I don’t mind the question because my answer is always a fast YES! If I wanted more, I might get annoyed with the question, though. I always wanted four kids. Until I had these two. I love them to death and feel like my family is complete. It was rough the first few months and I just don’t want to do it again. I love the age they are now and don’t want to relive the infant years LOL! But I truly feel like my family is complete and can’t see myself having anymore.

  10. Unfortunately, we are done. Not for the number of children we have but after the unexplained death of our first daughter to the triplets being spontaneous, we became concerned with what could happen next.

    I do hate when strangers ask or assume that we are done b/c we have triplets.

  11. Well, I absolutely love having a little singleton to snuggle, but I cried for days when I found out he was in there alone! Ha! Having two sets of twins, people (even strangers) were either horrified or super excited when we told them we were pregnant again.

    Even though we’re probably done, I can’t imagine ever being upset to find out I was pregnant. More twins would only be a bonus!:)

  12. I feel that people are always surprised when I say that we’re done having kids. Maybe they think that we need to try for a boy since we have two girls. Every stage the girls reach is more fun that the previous one. I just don’t have that craving for another little baby like so many people do.

  13. Davis and Carter's Mommy

    We are so divided on the issue. Had our first been a singleton, we’d already have another child. But the twins have kept us so busy and crazy and happy that we are slow to wanting another. We were planning on more up until they were 18 months old and now at 3.5 we are just revisiting the idea. I actually always get people asking when we are having our next, never assuming we are done. I guess it is just a nosy question no matter how it is asked.

  14. We have a G singleton that just turned four, our ID girls will turn 2 in sept, and I am due with #4 three days later. The timing of this ONE was unplanned, but having another was not. We always intended to have a large family and were devastated when we had problems getting pregnant with our first. Apparently though my body has figured it out and we don’t have difficulty getting pregnant anymore 🙂

  15. Josh and Nancy

    Wow sounds like I have a lot in common with Laura. We had difficulty getting pregnant with our first DD and also had help with the twins. We knew we weren’t done and surprised people when we informed them that we still want more. God had a bigger plan and without even trying to are now 7 weeks pregnant! My DD is 3 1/2 and the twins are 12 months. My husband is hoping for triplets, I myself will be happy with anything, but know our financial situaution only could afford one. We will find out on June 10th. Kids are such a blessing and we love every minute of our crazy life.

  16. We are done!!!! We have a 5 y/o daughter & wanted 1 more & ended up with the triplets that are now 15 months old. Tubes are tied!

  17. After DH saw that we were having two girls he right away said I guess we’ll be having more. He’s thrilled with two girls but I’ve always wanted at least 3 or 4 and he would love to have a boy eventually. So we plan on having another one (or two) in a few years (maybe 5!) If we had another set of twins I think we would be done though.

  18. I always wanted 6…seemed like the magic number. We had 4 while I was still in my 20's, one of them mentally handicapped; the fourth one came when I was 28. 16 years passed and we wound up with fraternal twins. I was 43 and my husband was 48. They are almost 4 now. Boy, did we get the, "Don't you know how to stop that yet?" comments instead of the "Are you done yet?" ones. Our reply: "We're still young enough to be irresponsible!!! We are SOOOOOO done!!!!

  19. I kinda hate this comment. I am just turned 29 and my twins are my only 2. I love them so much and can't wait to have more. They truely are the light of my life. My twins were born at 25 weeks and I feel like I also lost alot of pregnancy expirences. I would love to have at least one more, but will take what ever life brings us. Children are such a blessing and I can't imagine my life without them.

  20. I wish I would have been able to put more time between them. After so much work and loss to have a baby (which turned out to be 3), we were pretty careless with birth control (plus I was breast feeding part time still). When the boys were 10 months old, I found out I was pregnant again…with no help this time. I'm still working on getting over the shock (I have 4 more months to work on that…right?) But I'm excited for my single baby, and really hoping its a girl. We still have one more seat in our mini van, so we may not be quite done. It depends on how this one wears me out. We will defiantly do better with the planning and timing!

    Shame on people who assume you should stop because you had multiples! I want more than one birthday party a year, and more than one first day of school, and school graduation…And I want to watch big brothers teaching little sisters to ride a bike, and fish or what ever else they share! I'm the 5th of 7 and my husband the 6th of 9! Even if we stop at 5 (or 4), we'll be behind some of our siblings! Now, if I end up with 6 instead (due to another set of multiples) I will be so beyond done. I love my mini van, and I'm not sure what I'd drive then. Those big vans scare me!

  21. I always get the “are you going to try for a girl” since I have 3 boys. My answer…you never know what the future holds. 🙂

  22. We are not done, but we are definitely waiting for a while — like 7-10 years!

  23. After having our triplets at age 28, we knew that we would want another baby someday, but certainly wanted to wait a while. One BC mishap and nine months later, we were having our 4th child when our triplets were 18 months old. Honestly, it was a HUGE blessing to our family. We now have 2 boys, 2 girls, and a lot of fun! It’s hard and crazy, but I love my kids and if I had a bigger house, I would have more!

  24. We don’t plan on having any more kids! Four is plenty for us for a variety of reasons. However, my husband is always quick to point out that we never PLANNED on having four in the first place, so if God’s plans don’t match ours, He’s likely to win out again!

  25. Trisha Brantingham

    We have a 3 year old daughter and 3 month old twin boys. Everyone always tell us that we have our hands full, but I wouldn’t have it any other day. We would like to have one more in a few years, but since we have fraternal twins our chances of having twins again are increased.

  26. I get really tired of this question also…We have FIVE. A 6 year old boy, 4 1/2 year old B/G twins and 1 year old B/B twins – and I don’t know if we are done…we’re definitely taking a break though!

  27. I am to the point where I just want to look at them like they are crazy. The “Oh 2 boys, 2 girls, I guess you are done” makes no sense yet I get it all the time. We’re not playing tennis, we don’t need an even number of people?

    I only take the “are you having more” comment as genuine from other TTTS friends (and “fetal friends”) that have lived the worst pregnancies ever.

  28. Our twins are our first children. People like to tell me it must be so nice to be finished in one pregnancy…which is really confusing to me. We are not done. It will probably be a couple of years before we TTC again, but we are not done. I never understand why people presume to know how many children other people should have. I figure the when, where, and how many is between the husband, wife, and God.

  29. heather@it'stwinsanity

    I always wanted a large family. After our first set of twins we were told that we would not have twins again since they are MZ. And then we had MZ twins again. So now we have 6 kids (in 5 years) and I would still like a couple more. In a few years…

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