Guest Blogger: The Meanest Mom

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We have a special treat for you all today; The Meanest Mom is with us! If you haven’t seen her blog, you might just be the only one! Jana, (AKA The Meanest Mom) is mom to 6 year old daughter Camber, 5 year old (yes, you read that right) twin boys Cortlen and Kellen, and their newest addition, 5 month old Cameron. We all know there are about a million blogs floating around out there, but let’s just say, when you are interviewed by a news station about your blog- there’s something there. Forget the sugar-coated, my-life-is-perfect-and-so-are-my-kids blogs; Jana is honest, witty, and highly entertaining. We love her blog- and so will you.

THOSE BALLS ARE NOT FOR KICKING

Jana Mathews

Forget the Resurrection and where babies come from, one of the hardest concepts for my kids (6yo girl and 5yo twin boys) to grasp is why their favorite clothing store sells soccer balls…and why they aren’t allowed to play with them.

“Don’t even think about it!” I barked as Twin A reached into one of several large ball bins that were scattered around the store (which shall remain nameless, but by way of a clue, shares its name with a branch of the U.S. Military).

“If the balls are here, why can’t we touch them?” my son wanted to know. This was in fact a good question, but not one for a mother to answer, but a store manager.

My sons exercised considerable self-restraint and managed to keep their hands off of the balls located next to the rack of toddler cargo shorts, as well as the ones piled next to an impressive stack of women’s panties. By the time we made our way to the front of the store—where an even bigger bin of balls awaited us—my threats and warnings had begun to wear thin. While I paid for my purchases, one of my boys played limbo under the checkout ropes. The other twin decided that it was just as good of time as any to practice his field goal kicks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the ball whiz over my head and across the storefront. The ball made a perfect arch over the display of women’s tank tops, meeting resistance only when it reached a plastic mannequin wearing sunglasses and carrying a floral beach tote. As the mannequin and the table of beach-themed t-shirts she was pointing to toppled to the ground with a loud thud, my son yelled, “SCORE!”

I opened my mouth to say something meaningful, if not apologetic, but strangely, nothing came out. As it turned out, the store manager had more than enough to say for both of us.

“Little boy!” she screeched. “Those balls are not for kicking!”

I saw the woman’s point, but suddenly, for the first time, also my son’s. In a rare moment of generosity, I sided with my offspring. Turning to the manager, I found my words.

“What exactly are they for then?” I asked.

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Need some more laughs? Click the links:

Boxed Wine,

Guilty as Charged

and, our personal favorite:

Paper Underpants

Be sure to stop by Jana’s blog and leave a comment! And don’t forget to check out some of your fellow MoMs (and DoMs) blogs too!

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13 comments

  1. Jana, you never cease to make me laugh. I love this one. So did she ever respond?

  2. Christa @ Quintooples

    Oh my goodness. Jana is so funny. LOL. Thanks for my morning giggle!!!! 🙂

  3. Sweet! Our very own Meanest Mom post! I love her blog 🙂

  4. Now that was funny!!!

  5. How funny!!! Off to check her blog out.

  6. what a great blogger, thanks

  7. I have been continually amazed (for 20 years!) at the limited sense of humor displayed by adults in children’s clothing stores. Gheezsh, you’d think they’d have seen it all, wouldn’t you?

  8. Too Funny! I am heading over to her blog now!

  9. I don't have multiples, but I do have 4.5 kids, so I can relate to store nightmares…I loooove how we correct & correct & correct our kids until someone else corrects them, & then we turn into their Knight in Shining Armor moms (or dads)!! I really needed the laugh–thanks!

  10. great story!!!! thanks for sharing it!

  11. LOL!!! That was awesome! I totally lost it… GOAL!!!!

  12. The Myers Family

    THAT was HILARIOUS! I’ve always wondered WHY Old Navy has balls too??!! WAAAY too tempting for little boys! Thanks for a good Laugh!

  13. Yeah – super funny. No wonder stores have to right off thousands of dollars each year in damaged merchandise.

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