Birthdays Parties, Splitting, and Message Boards (what I really think)

Yes, I’m going to split this post into three sections b/c it’s my last post on this wonderful website and I have to get it all in before it’s gone forever!!

Dramatic, huh?

Let’s start with birthday parties.  I’ve found several questions on random message boards lately that relate to birthdays and multiples.  Here’s what I’ve seen and what I really think:

  • If one twin is invited to a birthday party, there are people out there that think it is acceptable to call the host and request that their other kid is invited too.
  • Some people even question why you wouldn’t do this.  It makes it so much easier for you and no one gets his/her feelings hurt.
  • Some people think that it’s a great time to take the “uninvited” child and do something fun.
  • What I really think:  I think it’s terribly rude to call up a parent and ask if another child can be invited to her child’s party.  Their child invited who they wanted and that’s that.  Plus, let’s not even get into the issue of what an awkward position this puts the parent in…who would say no when put in that awkward position?  Take your kid and have some one-on-one time.  It’s not about you or how easy this would make your life…it’s about the birthday kid.

It’s really easy to segue into birthday gifts.  Here’s what I’ve seen and what I really think:

  • It seems acceptable by most to purchase two small gifts…one from each of your children…rather than one large gift.
  • However, some feel that one large gift would suffice as long as the money adds up.
  • What I really think:  Do whatever you want.  If the kid is into arts and crafts, two small gifts would be easy.  If the kid is into those ridiculously expensive Legos, one large gift would be appreciated.  There is no right or wrong (even if some people on FB try to make you think there is)!!!

Several parents are posting about splitting their kids now that school registration has begun here in the US.  Should I split them up?  Should I keep them together?  Here’s what I’ve seen and what I really think:

  • Many parents think it’s widely acceptable to go against what the school says.  Most school systems have policies on multiples and try their damndest to make sure they’re followed.  Many parents just think they’re wrong…or stupid.  Schools rarely do research when forming their policies, don’t you know?
  • Many parents think it depends on the kids.  If they’re very reliant on each other, it may be a good idea to keep them together.
  • More parents than I realized thought that it was a good idea to keep them together because it makes it easier for themthe parent…without giving a whole lot of though to what might be best for their children.
  • Then you have parents whose twins were very reliant on each other who think it helped them tremendously to split up.
  • What I really think:  No one really knows what is best for you.  It’s good to get other opinions on the matter, but too many opinions can also muddy the waters.  I split mine up in preschool.  It’s been the best thing we’ve done.  They’ve both come out of their shells and now they’re not competing in the classroom.  Sometimes they actually have normal conversations at school without trying to tell me what the other one did wrong during class.  It’s up to you, but give it a lot of thought before you make any final decisions.  I think that it’s important to treat twins as individuals as well as a unit…just gotta figure out when the “unit thinking” is appropriate.

This brings us all to message boards.  Here’s what I’ve seen and what I really think:

  • These message boards can be a really good place to ask questions or request feedback.
  • They can offer lots of ideas and experiences.
  • They can also get nasty really quick.
  • Online “talking” was really important to me when the Crazies were very young and now it’s gone by the wayside a little bit as I’ve seen people really come out over the internet.  It’s scary what people will say over a computer instead of what they might say to your face.
  • What I really think:  Message boards and FB can be valuable tools.  They can be a “lifeline” to those of us cooped up in a house in the dead of winter with two (or three or four) sick kids.  However, make sure to read everything with a grain of salt and watch for those trolls.  You know the ones…the ones who will say things just to get everyone all fired up.  They’re lovely little people in real life, I’m sure, but stay away from them on the internet.  Don’t engage.  It’s what they want.  Find your community…wherever it may be…and treat it with tenderness.

Lots of luck to our lovely hostess with her future endeavors!  This website, in particular, was a huge source of information for me and Husband on our path to having the Crazies and getting them through the first few years.  Thank you so much for having this community for us, Amanda!

If anyone wants to come over and visit us at Casa de Crazies, feel free!  We love to have company (but leave your trolls at home)!

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  1. Well said.
    Cherry Pie recently posted…Dotted ChambrayMy Profile

  2. Right on, Rebecca! I agree completely.
    Christina Baglivi Tinglof recently posted…Five Reasons Why Your Twins Dislike Each OtherMy Profile

  3. I agree with you re: birthday parties/gifts on all counts.
    With splitting, I honestly don’t know a single MoM who did not consider what was best for her twins when making that decision. Factoring in that it was easier for the parents to keep them together didn’t mean they didn’t also carefully weigh what was best for the kids. And parents who say school policies that force separation of multiples are not evidence-based are absolutely right. I do agree with you though that there’s no one right answer and it depends on the kids.
    And yeah, with message boards, some are nastier than others for sure and even the “nice” ones can turn nasty at times. You have to go in with your eyes wide open but they can really be a great resource, like you said, when you’re stuck at home with sleeping or sick babies!

  4. I completely agree. With all! The only time i think it’s acceptable to ask to bring a sibling is if you have to stay at the party (my twins are only 5, so we aren’t doing drop off parties yet), and you have no one to care for your other child. But other than that, getting invited to different things is something they are going to have to deal with their whole lives.
    Leigh Ann @ Genie in a Blog recently posted…That day I got pampered at Notiva SpaMy Profile

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