And Then They Turned Against Me

I was lucky enough to get pregnant.

Even luckier to have twins.

Even more lucky to have boy/girl twins.

“The best of both worlds,” people would say.

“The perfect family,” they would gush.

“You’re all done!” they would exclaim.

As the mother, I never believed these happy little comments.  I would have been happy to give birth to a pair of monkeys after all was said and done, but I was lucky.

After a while, I realized that if one Crazy was giving me the business, the other would be calm.  If the other started picking up the slack, the first would calm down.  It was the weirdest thing.  It was like they knew that if they both freaked out at the same time, I’d lose my mind and be sent to an asylum.

Smart little buggers…they were 100% right.

As time went on and developmental (or genetic…take your pick) normalcy took its course, Boy Crazy really started to rear his ugly head with a nasty temper.  He’d throw a tantrum and Girl Crazy would simply sit back, observe, and turn away with slight amusement.  She wasn’t one to join in.  She rarely got upset and when she did, it was usually justified.  Oh, and when she did get upset, he would sit back and do his thing until I was able to bring her back under control.

One of them was always on my side…

However, now that they’re four, the seasons are changing again.  Boy Crazy still has an ugly temper (one that can often be reduced to pointed grunting during particularly bad breakdowns), but Girl Crazy is starting to pick up the slack in a big way.  She has taken to screaming in my face, pounding doors with her fists, and even went to far as to call me “Stupid Mommy” during one of her tantrums.

She only did that once…trust me.

Again, they’re still not acting out simultaneously…until yesterday.

We had a ton to do yesterday morning.  We had to drop Dog at the vet, return cable boxes from when we moved (over a month ago), go to Tarjay, and get the Crazies to their 11 AM dentist appointments.  The Crazies had been up super early for some reason and were irritable.  It was pouring down rain (which eventually turned to ice…thanks Mother Nature…love ya too) and no one wanted to leave the house, but we had to.  I am not one to miss appointments due to bad weather…that’s just lame.

I finally get the Crazies and Dog into the car.  I remind the Crazies that they really need to be careful of the car today as we only purchased it two days ago and footprints on my upholstery would not be tolerated.  They complied, nodding their heads, and smiling.  I thought this day might turn out better than expected.

The vet drop-off went without incident.  I did have to remind them about the seats, but nothing big.

Then we drive out to the cable place and they’re both getting irritable.  They don’t like the snacks I brought with me.  Their water doesn’t taste right.  They’re bored.  They want to see planes (wha???).

We get to the cable place, tumble out of the car, narrowly miss getting ran over by an armored truck, and finally get inside the cable place.  Mercifully, there is no line.  I ask them to sit down and watch basketball…they ask me to change the channel.

I finish my business and direct them out to the parking lot.

They both proceed to jump in every single puddle in the parking lot.  I am annoyed because I know they have to get into my nice new car with their stupid wet feet, so I give each hand a little jerk as I remind them to stay away from the puddles.  I help each Crazy into the car and shut the door because it is God-awful cold and raw outside (and smart Mommy only wore a light raincoat because, as a mother of twins, I just end up a sweaty mess anyway, right?  Who’d expect to be in the cold for more than a few minutes?).  I get into my seat only to realize that neither of them are in their seats.  They’re sitting on the hump (a novelty for them) playing and tickling each other.

Normally this would be cute, but at this point, with all we had to do, it was not.

So, I get my nasty teacher voice ready and say, “I asked you to buckle in, please buckle in.”

Only to hear, “I CAN’T!!!  I NEED HELP!!!  MY COAT IS TOO BIG!!!”

So, I have to get out of the car, run to the other side, buckle Girl Crazy (after getting her to bend her legs which “wouldn’t bend cuz they were freezin”) and run around to the other to buckle Boy Crazy.  I get back in the car and turn it on and blast the heat.  I was freezing.

Then I hear Boy Crazy say, “Look!  Look at my feet on the seat…isn’t that funny?”

I lost it.

“Funny?  That is not FUNNY!!!  We’ve had this car for 2 days and you KNOW the rules about your FEET!!!  Please get you feet OFF THE SEAT!!!”

Girl Crazy is laughing HYSTERICALLY.  Then Boy Crazy jumps in with his evil little giggle.

There is nothing worse when you’re really upset than your child laughing at you.  Two children laughing at you should be illegal.

Like most good mothers would, I give the old swat to the legs at this point to make sure that there weren’t any more feet on the seats and hit FOUR feet.  They thought this was even funnier.

“You can’t get my feet!!!  They’re still on the seat!!!  Bahahahahaaa!!!”

My head nearly blasted off my body.

It was at this point that a stupid (and what I say “stupid,” I guess I mean “rational”) voice from way back in my brain said, “You should be happy…they’re working together.  They’re acting as a team rather than against each other.  You should be happy.”

And that was it…it happened…they had turned against me and I should be happy because they’re working together.  The irony is painful to a point where all I could do was stop talking.  I couldn’t say another word.  I was silent for 10 whole minutes on the way to Target only to hear upon our arrival, “can I get something?”

Then my head actually did blast off my body.

Have your multiples turned against you yet?  Wanna share your story?

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7 comments

  1. this made me laugh so hard. My twins are only a year old, but I can totally see them doing this- as my older 2 do it to me all the time!! oh boy…the joys I have to look forward to!
    Jenni K recently posted…too fastMy Profile

  2. My favorite line, ” as a mother of twins, I just end up a sweaty mess anyway, right?” So true! More times than I can count! Thanks for the laugh.
    Christina Baglivi Tinglof recently posted…Do You Ever Wish You Were a Twin?My Profile

  3. Well, I feel bad commenting because I don’t have multiples. I only have 5 kids of varying ages and varying degrees of needs. But I can fully relate to the head blasting off my body part, and the swatting at their legs part. And the silence part. That’s when I know it’s bad – because I can’t yell, freak out or anything. Silence and stewing are probably the safest resort for me. But seriously, yes, I can relate. I have high regard for anyone who has multiples. I can’t imagine. After reading this maybe I can imagine just a tad better.

  4. My girls have been EXACTLY the same as the crazies. One of them has always been on my side until recently. They are now completely in cahoots. I am out of the club. Their favorite thing is to run away from me when we are out shopping. They think it’s hilarious. I do not. I do appreciate the bond that has developed. I really do. But OMG, when they use it against me, I just want to scream!

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