Parenting can be frustrating. Children are very demanding of attention -especially babies. With twins, there is an extra struggle with trying to give the individual baby the attention they need. It can be very tempting to try to lump your time with them together, but it can be especially important for the twins to get the one-on-one time they need to develop healthy identities and build the relationship you want. While it can be trying, here are some helpful tips to get your twins the one-on-one time they need and how to go about it.
1. Schedule one-on-one dates
As a parent, scheduling will be your friend. Organizing your time in advance will make your life easier for you and your child. Just as you can structure your day out to plan bath time and play time, try to fit some extra time in there devoted to one of your twins. Whether you go out to a nice movie or just play a board game together, the extra time will be appreciated by both you and your child. Make sure that their twin sibling is doing something fun with the babysitter or another relative too so nobody feels left out.
2. Get to know their differences
A most parents will tell you, it doesn’t matter whether your twins are fraternal or identical, they will most likely always be different in some way. While it may be easy to focus on their common interests for the sake of time or money, it can be important to let your twins explore their differences. Maybe you notice that your one twin is more outdoorsy while the other prefers reading? Try to take one on a nature hike and the other to the library. When it comes to one-on-one time, you want the child to enjoy it as much as possible, and in this case doing the same activity may not equate to equal levels of entertainment.
3. Recognize them as the separate people they are
This really dives into the important notion that they are not the same person. No matter how much they look alike or how similar they act, they are not the same entity and it is important that you realize that. Twins are going to have a hard-enough time with developing separate identities with how outsiders may treat them. It can be very disheartening for twins if your regularly mix them or their interests up.
4. Split Responsibilities
Chores are a great way for children to learn how to be independent as well as bond with parents. Splitting up chores differently allows you the chance to give your child the attention they need while they learn to develop important life skills. This can be very good for twins to recognize that they do not need their twin around to get something done or learn. It can also be a great way for them to learn that they are useful and needed even when they are not together.
5. Enroll them in separate activities
If you are struggling in finding a good way to actually have a set time spend with one of the twins, it may be a good idea to try to enroll them in separate activities. Generally speaking, kids love being enrolled in different sports and clubs! It is a great way for them to make friends outside of their sibling-ship as well as for you to have time with the twin who is not participating in the activity. It is a way for everyone to have some sort of healthy fun without having anyone feel like they are missing out.
6. Avoid Identical Assumptions
As many of these points emphasize, make sure that your twins understand that they are two separate people. You do not have to do all of the same activities as them and you must always be careful of your words. When trying to find an activity for one-on-one time, don’t bring up the other twin. During one-on-one time, try not to focus on their sibling at all or make this the time to draw comparisons between them. One-on-one time is just that, time for you to focus on the one child.
7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Finding the time to give children the attention they want/ need is hard enough without adding twins to the equation. If you feel like your twin is not getting enough attention, never be afraid to enlist the help of friends and family. They will understand the importance of giving the child the attention they need while also broadening the twin’s circle of trust even further.
8. Find other multiple moms
Reading advice from an article can often be a little impersonal and sometimes these things are much easier said than done. Finding other multiple moms that can share their experiences may give you the insight you need in order to find the perfect strategy that works for you!
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